Whoever told you that time heals all wounds was wrong. I’m here to tell you otherwise. In my last inspirational post, The Real Root of Anger, I spoke about confronting painful feelings to make positive ones. It isn’t until we get in touch with our feelings and deal with the source of our pain that we heal, let go, and grow.
I used to think that time would make the pain, guilt, anger, and fear go away, but it didn’t. Instead of confronting my feelings, I ran away from them by keeping myself really busy. I still do sometimes. I’m infamous for consuming myself with work or binge cleaning. I often catch myself trying to finish every project on the same day or reorganizing the dishes in the dishwasher. We all deal with our feelings and anxiety differently. Some of us work, some of us clean, some of us eat, or some of us exercise. Whatever it is, we can’t avoid our feelings, because they will manifest in unexpected ways: nightmares, depression, stress, and health problems, to name a few.
Another sleepless night trapped in my mind. I’ve relapsed. I wake up tired and anxious. Why am I feeling this way again? How do I make it stop? I text my dear friend and mentor, Nikki Novo seeking clarity. As a spiritual life coach, Nikki always encourages me to confront my feelings and make sense of them (the healing process). My younger brother is dealing with some difficult personal stuff. The second I found out, I was overcome with emotions of pain and sadness. The kind of emotions that affect my motivation, self-awareness, relationships, and self-control. I took on the mom role after my mom passed. I have always been there for him, but this time, it is different. I’m allowing my brother to fight his own battle, which causes internal conflict.
Nikki tells me that I’m an addict for pain and sadness. She’s right. Pain and sadness is all I have known, so the moment something happens to my brother (or others), I automatically go back to old ways. Nikki suggests feeling joy, instead of drowning myself in pain. She recommends changing up my routine, such as watching a funny movie before going bed (great idea).
It wasn’t until this year that I took the initiative to confront my feelings. Timing was everything. I was ready. I have an amazing supportive husband and a clear vision of my goals. And if I want to create my own family and achieve my purpose, I had to work on me and find peace. Has confronting my feelings been easy? No. Are some days better than others? Yes. The healing journey takes work. You have to be willing to put in the effort and embrace your feelings. Some days, you’ll take two steps forward, and some days, you’ll take one step back. And that’s okay. There is no room for perfection on this journey, so you have to be kind to yourself. As long as you recognize the patterns, you’ll learn how to change them.
Nikki’s guidance made sense. I confronted my feelings, recognized my pattern, and now I have to learn to change them. I have to break these habits in order to create new and positive ones. And I can’t be hard on myself. We can’t be hard on ourselves. If we stumble, we have to bounce right back. Instead of running away from our feelings and consuming ourselves with “stuff”, we have to embrace our emotions and their teachings.
I’m grateful for Nikki’s teaching and funny wine quotes like this, “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine and that’s kind of the same thing.” As always, thank you for joining me on this co-healing journey. I invite you to share your thoughts in the comment section and keep the dialogue going with me.