How to Move Past Not Getting An Apology


In a continued attempt to share my story for healing, in this video I talk about how I forgave a family member who hurt me and moved past not getting an apology. If you have not gotten an apology from someone who hurt you, I hope this video inspires you to forgive.


Video Transcript

Note: please excuse any grammatical errors.

Hi, guys. Welcome back. Thank you for being here with me today. I wanted to follow up on my Forgive for Healing blog post. Thank you to everyone who tuned in and thank you everyone who took the time to comment or send me messages and support this journey.

As you could see from the video, it was very difficult for me to share a lot of those things and just do that video in general. I wanted to express my gratitude to everyone who is supporting this journey. Most importantly, I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to write me messages and share their personal stories of how they are dealing with forgiveness and how people that are close to them have hurt them and I just thought that was so special.

Because most of you I've known through just mutual friends or we've met maybe once in our lives so, thank you for trusting me with your personal stories. It meant a lot to me. Cheers to you and cheers to you practicing forgiveness, healing and finding that inner peace.

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about how to deal with people that hurt us but don't apologize and how to move past when we don't receive that apology that we so much deserve.

I will talk a little bit about one of my family members who took guardianship of my younger brother and me when my mom passed and my father went to prison. She became like a mother to me. I respected her like my mother and I treated her like my mother.

Well, over the years she decided to misuse money that was intended for my brother and I. I am not sure if she felt entitled to it because she took guardianship of us but it wasn't her money and she should have saved it for both my brother and I.

It was during college that things escalated because as I got older I was realizing a lot of things and money that was supposed to be in my accounts were just being taken out. As I started putting the pieces together and hired an attorney, I realized how much money she had taken over the years that didn't belong to her.

Yes, she had guardianship of my brother and I but the government did help her out for that.  I spent most of my years working at her husband's restaurant which that money I never saw when I left to college.

So anyways, that was a very difficult time in my life when I took her to court. At that time, I was also in a relationship with one of her friends co-workers which was a whole other disaster but they ganged up on me and put through months of hell to say the least.

I finally won the civil case. I decided not to go after the judgment to collect the money that was owed to me because I wanted to finish college and move on with my life. At the end of the day, that was considered blood money to me because I really would have rather had my mom with me and be going through all that family drama, to say the least.

So I, myself – for those of you that are still practicing forgiveness, I am practicing forgiveness with this particular family member.

I took the step a few years ago to meet her for lunch and was left very disappointed, to be honest, with a big stomachache. When we met for lunch, it was like nothing had happened. There was no remorse, no apology.

It was at that time that I realized that I was better off without her in my life and that she wasn't a changed person and there was no remorse, there was no guilt. It was just heartbreaking for me because I was hoping for an apology and I was hoping to really turn the page.

As I practice forgiveness with this particular family member, I am going to share a few things that are helping me and I hope it will you too.

I think first things first, accepting a loss. It's okay to lose people that are not good for us in our life, that only bring pain and drama and just really are not looking out for our best interest or happiness. It's okay to lose them and we have to accept that loss and move past that.

Second, I think is putting ourselves in their shoes while we may not do such horrible things that people have done to us, to hurt us. We are human and we all make mistakes. So sometimes we have to take a step back and say, "They are human, they made a mistake and we are also human and we make mistakes." And well, it doesn't justify or fix what they've done to us, it helps us just moved past not getting that apology from them.

I think the last thing to move past forgiving someone is knowing that it may be better to just not confront them with the issue like the day that I met her for lunch. I was left very disappointed. It was like all the wounds had been reopened up. I didn't get the apology that I deserved. I didn't get an apology so sometimes I feel that it's better to just leave it as it is.

I am not sure why people don't apologize but I do know this, it could be a combination of things. They may feel ashamed. They may have no confidence. Whatever it maybe it's just hard for them to forgive. But by us confronting them with the issue, we may not hear what we want to hear. We may not get that apology and in the long run that will just hurt us even more.

So I too, again, I am practicing forgiveness and I think we will all practice forgiveness throughout our life. Because I know that... Well, I've been hurt in the past, it's not going to be the last time that someone that I love and I am good to hurts me. I am sure that all of you are either dealing with the same thing or will deal with this.

I think the most important part is the healing process, moving past forgiveness and finding that inner peace that we deserve. It takes a lot of mental work and takes a lot of courage. So cheers to forgiveness.

Don't forget to leave your comments. I'd love to see some of your wine moments on social media with #winewithnat. Just share with me how you are healing and just moving past forgiveness. Much love and see you soon. Bye.