How to Self-Love, Self-Care and Overcome Adversity

I had the pleasure of sitting down with my dear friend, Emily Zubizarreta, Founder & CEO of Miami Women Who Rock. We talked about overcoming adversity, rising strong, self-care and self-love. Hope this video inspires you to self-love and overcome adversity.

Video Transcript

Note: please excuse any grammatical errors.

Nat: Hi, guys. Thank you for joining us today on this Inspirational Wine Moment with Emily.

Emily is the Founder and CEO of Miami Women Who Rock. It's an organization all about empowering women and it's all about health initiatives and educating women on health. I'll let Emily get into that a little bit more but I wanted to introduce her.

Emily and I met about a year ago and over this course of a year we've really built a really great sisterhood and bond.  I am so blessed to have you here today. Thank you, Emily.

I brought Emily here today to share her story.

Recently, we had a conversation. It was very relatable for me. We got a little personal with each other. She shared her story with me and I shared my story. Sometimes, us women just dealing with stuff and how we deal with it and it's really not healthy and there is another way.  I'll let Emily talk about that now.

Emily: Wonderful. It's great to be here. You are such an inspiration to me.

Nat: Thank you.

Emily: To tell you a little bit, my inspiration really for Miami Women Who Rock was just that moment in life where at one point I am living on Fisher Island and I have my business and everything is like amazing, amazing, amazing. And then, out of nowhere I am taking the company public and the internet market crashed which is actually May 2000 16 years ago.

I never experienced failure and got very lost in my life at that point and really just started to have unhealthy thoughts. I had recovered from an eating disorder in my 30s. And found that in any life of excess, how harmful it could be. For me that journey, at one point it was food then it was drinking and shopping and I seem to that excess. Everything is fine in balance but balance is really key and in moderation is key.

Nat: Absolutely. Yes, so Emily shared this with me and I shared some stuff with her about my past that I am not proud of. There were those dark times in my past where I either turned to experimenting with drugs or over-drinking or smoking cigarettes which until today I still to fight that urge of smoking cigarettes which is really not good for you.

I told her that I think us women sometimes feel like we can't share these things – the fear of being judged or that these decisions that we've made in our life define who we are but they really don't. And we really should talk about them, because a lot of women and a lot of people go through this stuff.

And when we talk about it we really inspire other people to either have hope or change their ways or there is another way. You inspire them to know that you are not alone. This is not a judgment party, we are here to inspire and empower one another to be better people, be better versions of ourselves.

Emily: Yes. And part of that is really knowing what your triggers are. You know what I found for me personally, I definitely have an allergy with alcohol. When I started to drink at that point where I was really already depressed and sad and feeling like, "Oh life is not going well," that it just made it worst.

I think you have to take a look at what is going on in your life and do that checkpoint to see what you turned to.

For me, it was the same thing with food. There many times I found comfort in cupcakes, sweets. You have a sweet. I love sweets.

Nat: I think we all love sweets.

Emily: So really, any of that just keeping it in. It was a really big inspiration. Because sometimes when we get so wrapped up in self, we don't realize how we hurt others. I no longer have that self-pity party for one.

Nat: Yes. That is good.

Emily: I just really believe every day is a gift. I have found what works for me and trying to help other women and empower them.

I've worked with a lot of women especially if you would come out of divorces. When I went through a divorce that is when it really got bad for me and you just seem to be sitting down and sharing we've been able to, "Wow. Yes. The same thing. And I felt the same way." We are the hardest on ourselves.

As women, we don't have the luxury of a bad day. We switch hats, whether it’s daughter, wife, mother, community leader. Sometimes we put ourselves last. And when we put ourselves last every single time, something takes a toll and it shows.

Nat: Yes. Absolutely. Self-care is so important, right?

Emily: Self-care, self-love.

Nat: Yes. And if it's not self-care – for me just a few weeks ago having a stressful week and I had this conversation with my husband where he’d say, "It's not self-care like going to the salon or getting your nails done or going to get a massage.” I think it's self-care mentally and it's okay to go see a therapist. It's okay to talk these things out, that you are having a bad day and talk about it, whatever it is. Meditation, going to the gym,  just really taking care of yourself. Really taking care of yourself.

Emily: That is a really good point. And two, what I tell women is to check yourself. One thing is to have a bad day. Another thing is to feel like you are having a bad life.

When you have consecutive days like that - for me, it got so bad. I mean, there were days it was just really tough to get out of bed, that sadness. What I've learned now is just a real quick way to live and works for me.

I have a couple of women that never wanted to talk about suffering from bipolar. My mom was bipolar so I knew a lot about it. A secret makes you sick and if you just hold on to them and don't tell anyone, like you said you have to talk to a therapist when you need it, talk to that confident friend.

Nat: Right.

Emily: But what we keep inside, that keeps us up at night...

Nat: It will destroy us.

Emily: It does.

Nat: And you know, I forgot to mention it before but if you noticed, you see we are drinking tea today. There is no drinking going on.

Emily: Cheers!

Nat: Cheers to a green tea today.

So Emily, I guess tell the viewers, I think for all of us professionals and I think women more than anything there is times that self-doubt kicks in. How do you overcome self-doubt?

Emily: When I have a case of the self-doubt, I mean, I am in such an abundant space in my life right now and a lot of it is what I call "energy escrow" And I surround myself, I do energy cleanse. I don't let negative in and I don't keep negative in.

I keep a very positive mind. That goes from everything from the moment I wake up to when I go to bed. The more I keep in the positive, the less I have a negative and it's that simple. Not to say that I don't have moments where...

Nat: Right. I think we all do.

Emily: You know, a fear. To me fear is the sister of doubt. When fear kicks in, doubt kicks in and then everything else...

Nat: We spiral out of control.

Emily: We spiral out of control. The opposite of that practice love, faith and hope every single day and that is part of my mantra.

Nat: And any tips?  I just recently started listening to a meditation video to go to sleep to help me because I am one of those people that I can be known to be "worry-wart" and the worry kicks in when I put my head on the pillow.  I am trying this whole new meditation technique to see if that just kind of helps me in just clears the mind of all the worries.

Emily: Absolutely.

Nat: ...from the long day, you know.

Emily: That is the biggest. There are probably three things I tell every women to do. And that is meditate, pray and look at yourself everyday in the mirror and say, "I love you."

Nat: I love you. I like that.

Emily: Because if you can't say that to yourself, how do you think anyone else? Sending ourselves those positive messages are important. That is what mediation does. In meditation you bring it in and in prayer you are asking that. When you look in the mirror, you are having that relationship with yourself and your thoughts become your reality. I don't care which way. If you think abundant things, you think wonderful things, they happen. You know, when you say, "I am going to find a parking spot." Guess what? A parking spot just appears right there with the corner.

Nat: Yes, the mind is so powerful.

Emily: When you say, “I’m never going to find a spot.”

Nat: Yes. And I am sure we can all relate to this when something bad happens first thing in the morning and we have this negative aura around us, the rest of the day is just going to be a mess.

Emily: So true.

Nat: What is the biggest challenge you've face right now as a professional and how do you overcome this challenge?

Emily: It's funny. Some of the challenges that I have – I have a real entrepreneurial spirit.  Following my dreams and being true to them, that is the big challenge and I have to on a daily basis.

There is a thing in time management called the "Pareto principal" where 80% of your time produce 20% of the results. What I am trying to do right now is shift that in my life and just make sure that my energy spent right in the right places to produce the results I want in my life. I can get caught up in a lot of little stuffs. That is the challenge.  It is using my time wisely and making time for fun.

Nat: Right.

Emily: Started dating so...

Nat: Emily is dating.

Emily: Emily is dating.

Nat: For anyone watching.

Nat: This is not supposed to be like a hook up video.

Emily: Didn’t mean to make a press announcement on that one.

Nat: Hey, if there is anyone out there. Emily is amazing.

Going back to what you said, I think a lot of us are multitaskers.  For me, it's really hard to give up opportunities. I think what I've learn now is – and thankfully I have an amazing husband who always reminds me when I have too much on my plate.

Remember what your focus on. Remember what your main goals are and don't try to do everything because in the end we burn ourselves out. We don't give a hundred and fifty percent on what is that ultimate final goal that we are working so hard for?

You could say, think about your main goals. What is it that you want to achieve not right now but long term. And just sticking to that and just focusing on that and not the others.

Emily: It's funny because I saw the interview that Barbara Walters did with Oprah and she said, "What is the one thing that you still –what still the challenge after all these years?" And she said it was her weight.

I can really relate to that because there are many times in my life before that when things aren't going so well that that is when you would see the fluctuation.

My goal this past year is been to really make sure that I am healthy in all the areas of my life. It's definitely one of those challenges where it's – when you think about what are the things I worry about or think about, that would be one of them. It's just making sure… I still love the cupcakes even though I don't eat them.

Nat: We all love sweets and my weakness is wine, obviously, if you didn't know from now.

Before we go Emily, is there any advice that you can give to any professional watching right now or women? How would you want to end this video?

Emily: I think the biggest way I like to end it is just to really show your love and appreciation for other women. I mean, you are one of those bright spots that came into my life this past year.

Sometimes we can be the hardest on ourselves.  I got a call from another woman today. And she was, you know, I didn't know whether to call you because I have a very similar organization to you and it does similar. And I am like, "Why not?"

Again, I came from a place of abundance. The biggest thing that I say out there is don't compete with anyone else, just empower. There is enough for everyone, just to love and support. It sounds like a goofy message but...

Nat: No, it's true.

Emily: ...that is just it. Come at it from a “can do, will do” attitude and there is enough for everybody.

Nat: Absolutely.

Emily: Push your own peanut as I say.

Nat: Yes. So remember that ladies. Collaborate, don't compete. It's all over my website so yes, I agree with that.

Emily, thank you so much for being here today.

Emily: Good thing being here.

Nat: Yes. Thanks for everyone that tuned in to watch this Inspirational Wine Moment with Emily. Bye, guys.